


Tumble

by SheoftheTea



Category: Labyrinth (1986)
Genre: Absolute Silliness, Comedy, Gen, Humor, Inspired By Tumblr, Labyrinth Promptober, Older!Toby, Tumblr Prompt, Weird Uncle Jareth
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-21
Updated: 2018-12-21
Packaged: 2019-09-23 23:15:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,337
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17089577
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SheoftheTea/pseuds/SheoftheTea
Summary: There were, it had to be said, certain perks that came with having a Goblin Godfather. You’re rarely lonely, an entire kingdom of exciting yet questionable friends just a spell away, and you gain a rather generous understanding of the impossible.When you’re thirteen, and you feel like skipping school for the day, this is the greatest gift imaginable.When you’re twenty-one, and it’s the night before your final paper is due, not so much.





	Tumble

There were, it had to be said, certain perks that came with having a Goblin Godfather. You’re rarely lonely, an entire kingdom of exciting yet questionable friends just a spell away, and you gain a rather generous understanding of the impossible.

When you’re thirteen, and you feel like skipping school for the day, this is the greatest gift imaginable.

When you’re twenty-one, and it’s the night before your final paper is due, not so much.

Toby raked his hands over his face. ‘For the love of god, would you all _shut up?_ ’

The goblins hushed. Then fell back into a chitter.

‘Is Toby finished yet? Finished law paper?’ asked a bat-eared imp.

‘Almost, Figwit,’ sighed Toby. He cracked his knuckles and rolled his head on his shoulders.

‘Can Toby come play?’ grunted a large, squat troll in a horned helmet. He stood balanced on two smaller trolls, all staring dubiously at Toby’s laptop.

‘Soon, Trock. I’m just trying to work out my conclusion— _damnit Dango, get off!_ ’ He snatched at the Firey chewing his cables. It gave an affronted screech as its head sailed across Toby's cramped, college apartment.

The Worm hopped onto his desk and read the screen. ‘Looks s’okay to me. Bit dry, bit longwinded. Might wanna tighten up the middle a bit…’ He shrugged, or at least bounced his tiny body in what might pass for a shrug if you had no shoulders. ‘But I’m just a worm. The Missus might be of better help, she’s real clever at this sort of thing. Could call her up if you like…?’

A tired crept across Toby’s face. ‘Thanks, but I wouldn’t want to bother her.’ He sighed, taking a sip of his long-cold coffee. ‘How are the larvae doing?’

The Worm lit up. ‘Very well, actually! Getting to be a bit of a handful, so to speak, but they’ve just started coming into their baby fur. Oh, they’re really just the most precious things! You should come by for tea again someday, they’d like that…’

Somewhere behind them, Jareth cracked open a can of Big Red, pilfered from Toby’s fridge.

‘Our boy has grown already. Too old to enjoy a sing-along, too busy to enjoy the Solstice, or tea by the walls. Soon enough he’ll be lost to the coldness of courtrooms, buried under dust and rules and paperwork. Lost to his laws and lectures as the Junk Ladies to their trinkets. Will we ever see him then?’

The goblins moaned and obediently despaired.

Toby rolled his eyes and threw up a rude gesture with his hands. Hoggle had been teaching him how since he was ten.

‘If you didn’t want me to grow up to have a normal-person job, you shouldn’t’ve lost the challenge.’    

Jareth’s eyes narrowed, can halfway to his lips.

‘Your sister went above and beyond to win you back, I cannot be faulted for her victory. A true champion never before seen within the Labyrinth’s walls.’

‘Yeah, or maybe your Labyrinth was just a piece of cake,’ he snickered, just as his hand moved for his mouse, ready to back up his final copy.

Just as Jareth threw his can of soda, ready to teach Toby a lesson.

Toby barely had to duck.

‘Hah!’ he crowed. ‘Missed—'

The tower of trolls wasn’t quite so lucky. It _pinged_ off Trock’s helmet, sending the trolls tumbling to the ground. It fell to Toby’s desk, bouncing off his laptop. The soda splashed onto his cables, the wiring newly exposed by the Firey’s fangs.

The circuits shorted.

‘She’s gonna blow!’ The Worm dived for cover.

Half a dozen claws grabbed Toby and yanked him back from the deadly light show that had become of his final paper.

And it’s times like this that he really wishes Sarah had kept her mouth shut and left ancient plays alone.

* * *

 By the time they’ve gotten the situation back under control, the laptop _and_ external hard drive are fried. _Completely_ fried. Actual smoke curls sadly towards the ceiling.

The room is silent as only a room full of guilty goblins can be.

Toby buries his head in his hands, his breathing loud in the hush.

Jareth, the soulless bastard, finally speaks.

‘We can fix this.’

‘ _How_ can you fix _this_?!’ Toby screamed. ‘What are you gonna do? Drug my professor with peaches?!’ In normal circumstances, Toby could never get away with shrieking at Jareth like this. It was a good thing, then, that this wasn’t circumstances; fifty per cent of Toby’s grade had just been thrown into the Bog of Stench. He’s owed a meltdown or two.

Jareth takes Toby by the shoulders—a bold move; Sarah gave him iron cutlery as a housewarming present, and if ever Toby’s felt like stabbing the Goblin King with a fork, it’s right now.

Apparently unaware of his impending doom, Jareth soldiers on. ‘We can get you another laptop.’

‘This is due in the morning!’ Toby hisses.

The Goblin Kings stares into his eyes and doesn’t once falter. ‘What’s said is said. We will help. Go fetch your notes.’ He clicks his fingers, and just like that every creature flies into action. Jareth sweeps into the kitchen, barking orders and readying the stove.

Toby, at a loss, goes to collect his notes.

By the time he comes back, Figwit’s setting up a new laptop on his kitchen table, a variety of copper pots and pans have materialised in his kitchen and goblins are running to and fro bringing Jareth an array of ingredients for…whatever the hell Jareth’s cooking up.

Toby doesn’t know what to question first; the obviously stolen laptop or the white powder Jareth’s grinding up. It looks unsettlingly like coke.

He ends up not asking about either, nor even about the pot dibbling odd yellow froth. Whatever's in it keeps sizzling black when it hits iron. It’s probably better if he doesn’t know.

Finally, Jareth drops the last few ingredients—some roots and a pinch of glittering dust—into the pot. The potion turns a shimmery, pearlescent white.

Goblins gathered and watching in awe, Jareth gingerly ladled the potion into a glass. He turns to Toby.

Jareth solemnly offered the glass.

‘Drink.’

Toby considered his options.

‘Jareth?’

‘Yes, Tobias?’

‘Is this like that time in middle school when you gave me a ‘love potion’ to ‘help’ me get Cindy Ashton’s attention, and it made every female creature within a two-mile radius try to kiss me?’ To this day he wasn’t quite sure what was worse; his close escape of the amorous affections of lunch lady Doris or his failed escape of the neighbour’s St. Bernard. Probably the latter. The slobber had almost drowned him.

‘Oh, yes, that was amusing—but no.’

Toby gave a desperate glance at the clock. He winced.

‘If this kills me…Sarah will have your ass.’

Jareth smiled. ‘That has been factored into the dosage.’

And so, now reasonably reassured, he took the offered glass and drank.

He only got three sips in before it hits him.

The world goes very _sharp._ He can feel his heartbeat, his blood rushing through his veins. He can taste _colours._

Some of this must be showing on his face because all the goblins start backing up and Jareth, smug bastard, grins. Nodding, he pointed to the laptop. Toby got to work.

* * *

 Toby never found out what was in that potion. Probably for the best.

What he does know is that he got a week’s extension (he’s almost _certain_ he saw peach juice stains on his professor’s collar), didn’t sleep for five days and apparently started a running monologue with his lamp. In _Pixie_.

He’s also pretty sure Sarah found out somehow. He didn’t see Jareth again for a month.

* * *

 ‘“Engaging read and well-written, when intelligible,” why, Toby dear, that’s wonderful!’ cooed the Missus.

‘A B+ well earned,’ nodded the Worm.

Toby grinned into his tiny teacup, fluffy blue and pink larvae nestled in his hair and somersaulting off his knees.

Sometimes, having a Goblin Godfather had its perks.   

**Author's Note:**

> So this is my offering for the Labyrinth Promptober. It's unbeta'd, it's probably riddled with mistakes and it's ripped from [this](http://appropriately-inappropriate.tumblr.com/post/99019808740/rukafais-graveyardhorse-korrakun-my) Tumblr post.  
> By all means, constructive criticism and comments are more than welcome! You can also find me at my Tumblr: [SheoftheTea](https://sheofthetea.tumblr.com/)  
> I was planning to do something for all the prompts for the challenge, but real life got...well, real. Maybe I'll finish them and post them later on?


End file.
